Ok..one of my really good friends here in Cbus have been doing a fair share of dating. Not dating each other of course, just dating in general. We've been talking a lot about "taking it slow" and the appropriate "time lines" for things in a relationship. I thought I'd bring this up here and see what you all think.
One of the first things that we talked about was sex. At what point in dating, a relationship, etc. do you "do it." Well, this is what I have been thinking. I think you have to know what you and your partner wants. I mean, we have all done the friends with benefits thing. FWB works when both people have the same expectations going in. I've heard that you can't have FWB without one friend growing feelings. I disagree. But that's not the point. I am not sure when sex is okay. Part of me says, when it feels right. Another part of me says, well, you should wait till you know the person well enough. I dunno....I just don't want to get hurt and I also wouldn't want to her the person I am dating with unclear expectations. I always get blammed for over thinking and over talking things.
I hate the "rules" of dating. You know, a girl gives you a number, you can't call for 2-3 days. You can't call on a Friday or Saturday because that implies you don't have plans, etc, etc. REALLY FREAKIN' STUIPID. My theory, if we are digging each other, we should call, email, text or hang out whenever we want. But again, the two people involved need to have the same idea of what is okay. Take me for example, right now, I have a LOT of free time, for the next week, I'd be happy to spend every night with a person I am dating. BUT once school starts I just can't do that. But it will depend on the week and how my work goes. You know?
The other thing I think about is dates in vs. dates out. Let's face it. I am POOOOOOR. I can't afford to pay for expensive dinners and stuff. Although some people would say the guy should pay, that goes back to my hating the rules of dating. But there should be a mix. Every so often, we should go out to dinner or the movies, getting dressed up and doing the whole nine yards. Maybe once or twice a months. I am just as happy, though, hanging out at home, cooking dinner and sharing a bottle of wine and cuddling on the couch.
Those are my thoughts for now.....comments?
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2 comments:
Never had the FWB thing, and not sure how that would work, so I will just take your word for it. And no one knows when sex is okay, there is no way to figure it out until after the deed is done. But I would say a good combination of brain and heart while making the decision is a good thing.
Rules for dating are beyond ridiculous. What works for one person could be so very wrong for someone else. And many of those 'rules' were thought of in a different time with a completely different set of social mores and fairly unenlightened thoughts about the definition of the roles. It is way past time to let those bogus thoughts rest.
The in vs out concept seems to be rather well thought out - can't afford, so don't do it very much. And, since the point of dating is to get to know someone and to spend time with them, it seems much more effective to spend time together without the distractions of constant 'out' dates.
Howard,
That's why I love you. You make so much sense!
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